Going through a separation or divorce is one of the most traumatic events a person can experience in a lifetime. Here are some steps to survival:
- MANAGE THE EMOTIONS - Stop the turmoil by using stress management techniques. Move from feelings to rational thinking.
- AVOID MAKING LIFE ALTERING DECISIONS UNTIL YOU ARE THINKING MORE CLEARLY - this may not be the time to relocate or change jobs.
- REASSURE KIDS THAT FAMILY LIFE WILL CONTINUE, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY - go to the bookstore or library to find age appropriate books to explain separation and divorce to children.
- ASK "AM I ACTING IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD?" - Keep arrangements as simple as possible and don't put kids in the middle.
- MAKE A SCHEDULE - make a list and target dates to help you feel more in control and less stressed. Delegate as much as possible.
- ASK FOR HELP FROM SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS - be specific about how they can help. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP IF NECESSARY - Sometimes it's just too hard to get through this by yourself.
- BE REALISTIC - It's important to have realistic expectations and not to expect too much from yourself and everyone else when you are feeling so bad.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF - get adequate sleep, eat healthy, exercise. Give yourself a break - you deserve it. Be protective of your need for solitude.
- ONE DAY AT A TIME - It gets easier. It gets better and hurts less as time passes. Spend time with others who understand what you're going through.
- GRIEVE THE LOSS - separation and divorce is devastating and it takes time to recover.
SHELLEE DARNELL IS A IS A LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST IN PRIVATE PRACTICE IN IRVINE, CALIFORNIA. SHE HAS A MASTERS DEGREE IN EDUCATION FROM JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY AND A MASTERS DEGREE IN COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY FROM PEPPERDINE UNIVERSITY.
Shellee Darnell, M.F.C.C.
20 Corporate Park, Suite 215
Irvine, California 92606
(949) 261 - 8299
