Parenting sources, doctors and mental health practitioners tend to avoid the issue of spanking or support hitting if used only when necessary, within reason and with minimum force. Such generalities are widely interpreted by parents in our society where violence seems to be everywhere. In his book, Beating the Devil Out of Them, Murray Straus contends that the most common forms of corporal punishment are grabbing, slapping, shoving with force, spanking or hitting with an object such as a hair brush or belt (only hitting with an object is considered abusive by most parents). He maintains that the most common form of punishment is hand slapping and 90% of American parents hit toddlers, plus for I of every 5 children, hitting begins as a toddler and doesn't end until leaving home.

Consider the toddler, whose developmental task is to explore the world, poke, taste, pull, push and defiantly say 'NO!" to just about everything. True, young children must be protected from danger and "stuff" has to be protected from toddlers, but what if this child is slapped (even on the hands) several times each day? It follows that he/she is being punished for being curious and the act of punishment is being ingrained into the child's basic personality' during the formative years. Thus, a child who grows up with hitting as the "norm" may consider it acceptable to hit and be hit.

While spanking may stop unwanted behavior in the short term, the result may be worse behavior: learning problems, depression, low self esteem, substance abuse, acts of violence toward others and/or violent crimes. Studies on prison populations show that many inmates were victims of considerable physical abuse with the general consensus that they must have been incorrigible children who deserved to be hit. But perhaps the act of punishing a toddler's curiosity' by a well meaning, yet naive and unaware parent creates a dynamic in some children where frustration and confusion turn into rage, defiance and revenge. This outward projection results in destructive behavior and/or spouse beating.

Awareness of the destructive potential of acts of violence against children in our society does appear to be increasing however, with focus on children's rights and child abuse prevention. Schools have decided that "paddling" students is abusive and ineffective in changing behavior (some parents disagree), but within the privacy of the home, spanking continues to be justified. What do you think?

Reproduced with Permission from "In the Child's Best Interest", a newsletter promoting the child's best interests in Divorce and Custody matters.

Jessica St. Clair, M.F.T., is a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor with over twenty years experience working with families and children. She is a therapist, credentialed teacher and qualified child custody evaluator. Jessica has worked with hundreds of families to prepare them for custody evaluations as ordered by the Court. Jessica is a woman of great empathy and has helped many children cope with the turmoil divorce creates in their lives. Jessica practices in Newport Beach and Santa Ana, Ca. She is the leader of Planet Divorce and Parenting Wizards, both joint projects of Divorce Wizards, Inc. and Child Custody Consultants. You may reach Jessica St. Clair at 714-568-1111 or www.childcustodyconsultant.com.